Most of my [childhood] embarrassments weren’t entirely evident to me until well after the fact, and sadly, most of them lasted much longer than was necessary. Yes, there was that time when I wet the bed at the age of 10, but then again, who hasn’t? And sure, I may have been the last guy in elementary school to get the memo that wearing the same color sweat suit wasn’t the cool way to dress, but honestly, it was easier and extremely comfortable. At the end of the day (today), there has to be one story that takes the cake… and so here goes:
On my sixth birthday, I decided to get a haircut. I was really interested in Native American Indians at the time, and there were some re-enactors in the area that I wanted to be like. My newly 6 year old self decided that I would get a “Scalp Lock,” which, for the few of you who are not acquainted with Iroquois culture, is a completely shaved head minus a long ‘block’ of hair directly in the center. (Clarification: This is not a rat tail. It is significantly worse.)
The haircut wasn’t so
much embarrassing as the 5 years afterwards when I continued to sport this
look. I was “that kid,” the one with the weird hair. Perhaps it would have made
a difference if I had pursued any reenacting, but I didn’t, and honestly,
perhaps it still wouldn’t have. My parents deserve a gold star for championing
individuality, and my Dad did say it made me much easier to find on the soccer
field. As I’m sure most of you can guess, this hairstyle coupled with the
aforementioned same-color sweat suits was double trouble for the ladies. Mercifully, I put an end to the madness when I
created the “change is good” slogan Obama later adopted in his 2008 campaign.
Congratulations to Joey S! (And here's hoping he sports a better haircut on his night with "The Accidental Pervert").
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